What to do With Mom Guilt (or any kind of guilt!): Part 1

In the following posts, I use examples of motherhood to examine guilt because, well, I’m a mom. That’s where I am in life right now, so that is currently where my life lessons often come from, but these thoughts and tips on handling guilt apply to ALL. Whether it’s mom guilt, aunt guilt, friend guilt, wife guilt, daughter guilt, coworker guilt, church member guilt, or ANY kind of guilt burdening your heart, I hope to encourage you through this two-part series with my few humble thoughts on where our guilt might be coming from, and some helpful responses to that guilt. So even if you’re not a mom, please keep reading!

If the words “mom guilt” resonate with you, I assure you, you’re not alone. I think one of the worst afflictions of a mother’s heart these days is guilt. I can feel it myself in unbearable amounts over just about anything I do or don’t do in my mothering, and I see and hear it from almost every other mom I talk to. It’s like dark, heavy rain clouds pressing down on our hearts.

First, let’s distinguish between guilt that is a response to our sin and guilt that is misplaced. Guilt that is a response to our sin is remorse for our wrongful actions against God and others. Guilt that is misplaced is a burden we put on ourselves when there was no sin, no wrongful action on our part. It is a burden that is not ours to bear, and it is what I’ll expand on today (tomorrow I’ll be back to cover handling guilt from true wrongful doings).

Some sources of misplaced guilt can be: feeling responsible for other people’s happiness; comparison to other moms, students, employees, and Christians; and perfectionism, just to name a few.

To identify misplaced guilt, I ask myself 3 things:

1) Did I do anything wrong? I examine my actions and motives, and determine if I broke God’s law on how I honor Him and treat others?

2) Would I still feel guilt if I had done the opposite? Here’s what I mean: As a young mom I would feel guilt over making my little ones take a nap because I wondered if I was being too rigid in their schedule. But the days I let them miss a nap, I’d STILL feel guilt for not helping them get enough rest when they were tired and cranky late in the day. Another example is that I could feel guilt for feeding my family a healthy home-cooked meal while the “fun mom” was letting her kids have yummy junk. But if I went through a drive thru for a quick and easy splurge, I felt guilt because it was unhealthy and they’d probably feel bad later. See what I mean? Crazy, right! Do you get in those impossible traps too? You can’t win either way.

3) Is this coming from God or satan? I believe that in the areas of a woman’s life where God instills a nurturing nature so that we will feed, clothe, teach, and enjoy our children, satan twists and manipulates that conscientious spirit into comparison, doubts, and second-guessing, making us feel that we can’t do enough or be enough. This is a lie! In John 8:44, Jesus says satan is the father of lies.

So, if your answers to the 3 questions are NO, YES, and SATAN, this is misplaced guilt and should now be taken captive and replaced with the assurance of those 3 answers.

“We destroy arguments and every lofty opinion raised against the knowledge of God, and take every thought captive to obey Christ.” 2 Corinthians 10:5

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I have prayed for a long time about this series (it’s been in my drafts for a year), and hope it helps in freeing you from the burden of guilt. Today’s post focused more on misplaced guilt when we have done nothing wrong. Tomorrow I’ll be back with Part 2 of this series to discuss a very helpful and Biblical response to the guilt we experience when we have truly sinned or made mistakes. Don’t worry, it’s just as freeing as today’s!

Side note: I’m having trouble with my comments section right now (my apologies to those of you who have tried commenting) so that is down until I can get the problem solved. Thank you!