The Blessing of God’s Refusals

A couple of months ago I mentioned that I would begin posting every now and then on the topic of adoption and I have been late in getting those posts started. My apologies! I have so much I want to share but I figure you’d first like to know how our family ended up adopting in the first place. Later this week I’ll post that story with all its twists and turns. As a lead-in to our story, I’m reposting this little post from summer 2020 on how God directed our paths to and through adoption.

So, without further ado…

A couple of weeks ago while I was walking in the early morning hours, I noticed this turtle in the grass, just about to crawl over the curb and into the street. Aware of the morning traffic that would soon occupy the road, I reached towards the turtle to pick him up and turn him in a safer direction. He flinched and defensively pulled his head back, not trusting my intentions. I picked him up and turned him around, hoping he would crawl back towards the woods from which he’d emerged. I don’t think he was too happy with me interrupting his desired path, and for a minute there it looked as though he was turning around to head back towards the street again. I stood in front of him to block the direction of the street, and eventually he was traveling back on his path to the woods. Without knowing that my actions were a merciful effort to help him avoid danger, this little guy, in his own understanding, had seen me as a threat and an obstacle.

Just the day before my encounter with the turtle, I’d read a quote of Elisabeth Elliot’s from her book Through Gates of Splendor that made me stop immediately and jot it down on an index card. The card sits on my nightstand and reads:

“Some of God’s greatest mercies are His refusals.”

Eight years ago, when we were foster parents, we received a call about taking in six month old twins–a boy and a girl! We were told they would be with us anywhere from one week to forever. Initially we agreed to keep an objective outlook, but eventually we all let our minds go places into the future that they should not have gone, and I found myself secretly planning their first birthday party– Noah’s Ark, naturally, because the whole “two by two” theme would be perfect for twins, right?!

Well, these babies did not stay with us forever, and were not even with us for their first birthday. After living with us for a month, our social worker called with new information for their case. And to make a long story short, the decision had to be made for the babies to move on. As devastated as we were in those days and even weeks following, the truth of the matter is, we never really felt a peace about keeping the babies. Make no mistake; there was a strong desire to keep the babies, but not peace. After much prayer, we had a very clear spiritual sense that God was not blessing this.

In our own understanding, this did not make sense. Wasn’t this a good thing we were trying to do? We would love and raise these babies, and give them protection and teach them God’s word. But God refused, and as with any other trial and disappointment I’d faced during my adult years, I meditated on one of my favorite verses.

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart,

and lean not on your own understanding;

In all your ways, acknowledge Him,

and He shall direct your paths.”

Proverbs 3: 5-6

And so that is exactly what we did! We trusted God, acknowledged Him, and looked to Him to direct our path, despite our own feeble understanding of why these babies had to leave. Sometimes we may never know why God refuses a path we want to go down, but in this case, about a year later, He let us see what He had seen all along.

It’s sometimes difficult to keep up with children in the foster care system after they have left your home. We’d seen the babies at about a year old, and then found out they’d moved again. Then when the babies were about 18 months old, I managed to get in touch with a social worker who was helpful and gave us the name and number of the new foster parents the babies were then with. We just wanted to know they were in a good home and doing well, so I called and told the babies’ foster mom who I was and asked if she would mind us meeting them and visiting the babies. She graciously welcomed us over one Sunday afternoon.

As we talked and got to know each other, we learned that she and her husband were in their late 30’s, had never been able to have children, and had even lost a child they fostered for several years. She told me they were on the path to adopt the twins and that their case was looking pretty good. I could not believe what I was hearing! God was placing the babies with a very deserving couple who’d endured such heartache waiting to become parents! And I almost stood in the way of HIS beautiful plan?!

But that’s not all! Another year after that, we were adopting a little 3-year old boy–our son! It all came unexpectedly (to us, not to God) in a way that only the Lord could have planned. He knew about our son coming all along. When we put our trust in Him, He made our paths clear!

Remember that turtle? My refusal in letting the turtle go towards the street was an act of mercy on him.

God’s refusal in letting us keep the twin babies was an act of mercy on us, the babies, their adoptive parents, and our son! If God hadn’t refused our request to keep the twins, they would not have been with the parents He intended, and we would not have been available that following year to adopt our son. What joy!

I pray this is an encouragement to anyone who is experiencing a “no” from God right now. It’s tough, isn’t it? But friends, it’s a “no” only to that specific request, and a big YES to other blessings. And even if we never know on this side of heaven why God refuses a request, we will still reap the blessing and peace of obedience.

Are we seeing God as a threat and obstacle to our plans, or are we faithfully acknowledging and trusting Him to clear our paths?