Our Family’s Path to Adoption: Part 1

Hello! Today I’d like to share a very informal account of our path to adoption and all the amazing and unexpected twists and turns God led us through. His hand was in every step! This will be relaxed and probably with some grammatical errors (ha!) as I’ll have little time for editing this week, so just bear with me and let me speak as though we’re sitting on my couch chatting. Details in some areas of the journey will be omitted for a couple of reasons. First of all, I want to maintain privacy and security for my son, and second of all, this is not just my story to tell but really more his. Therefore, I’ll spare some details that will be his to share one day when he’s grown, should he choose to do so.

My husband and I have three children. I was 25 when I had my first daughter, 30 when I had my second daughter, and 40 when we adopted our son. Yep, gaps. Big gaps between our babies! And naturally people wonder why the gaps and I’m happy to tell you but it’s nothing really dramatic or impressive.

In a nutshell, I have a terrible back. I began my first pregnancy with a bulging disc and pinched nerve, followed by several years of injections, physical therapy, and chiropractic before my back was in decent enough shape to not only carry another baby but to also care for one. Following the birth of our second daughter, the back problems revved back up again with more injections, physical therapy, chiropractic and eventually back surgery.

At this point we prayerfully decided that my body was done having babies and that if ever down the road we decided to expand our family again, we would happily explore adoption, but we were not really counting on it. We were so happy with our two children, delighted with what God had given us, and ready to move forward, soaking up every minute of raising our girls!

Fast forward several years down the road and one day, totally out of the blue, I blurted out to my husband, “What would you think about us doing foster care?”

My husband replied, “I’m sorry, I didn’t hear you.”

I repeated myself. “What would you think about us doing foster care.”

Again, his reply: “I’m sorry, I still can’t hear you.”

Well, my husband is a little hard of hearing, so repeating myself is not an uncommon occurrence, but I could see by the grin on his face that his “not hearing” was his way of saying it was a crazy idea. Surprised myself, I laughed and said, “Did that just come out of my mouth?! What am I thinking? I have no idea where that came from!” We both had a good chuckle and then forgot it.

Another couple of years passed without foster care or adoption even being on our radar. But then God started to do a work in my heart. I brought up the topic one day while on a walk with my husband, but this time more thoughtfully than my first unforeseen blurt. He was again surprised but said if I was serious then we should talk and pray about it. In our discussions we weren’t always on the same page, but we were completely respectful of where each other’s hearts were in the matter. At one point I told him that I knew if it was something God wanted us to pursue, He would put it on both our hearts and not just mine. Often times when we women have an idea that turns into a desire, we have a tendency to push and push our husbands to get “on board”. I was NOT going to do that. God does not need me to be my husband’s Holy Spirit. So, after a few weeks of discussion, I decided to let it sit, get quiet, and see what God would do.

Then one evening my husband said he thought we should look into adoption. I remember this was actually Father’s Day. Sweet.

What we knew of adoption was somewhat limited and I think we both assumed that if we were talking about adopting, we both meant we would adopt a baby. My part in this was to call the adoption agency and obtain information about getting on a list to be paired with a birth mom. The first phone call I made was to a Chirstian adoption agency that we’d been long acquainted with through our church. While that first call was very helpful with information we needed to get started, we were told that they had so many adoptive couples on the waiting list that I would have to call back in six months to try again.

So, I called another agency only to get the same response. And the next agency. And the next. Finally with the last call, before hanging up the phone, I said to the very kind woman I was speaking with, “I have one more question. Can you tell me if each of the couples on your waiting list are waiting to adopt their first baby?”, to which she replied, “Oh, the vast majority on our list don’t have children yet.”, almost as if she was surprised I had to ask. I thanked her and got off the phone.

That evening when my husband came home, I told him there was no way I was getting on a waiting list with other couples who were desperately waiting for their first child when we already had two precious children. It didn’t seem fair. I could not put my name in the pot and diminish the chance for another couple to become parents.

Although disappointed, we were at peace with this path ending. Except, it didn’t end entirely; it just took a turn which I’ll tell you about in my next post.

Thanks for stopping by today!